Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Swimming Again

Craig finally turned the corner last night and went back to school this morning, so our lives are returning to some semblance of normal today. I probably overdid already today; I've just been so thrilled to have time to myself again! I've been writing all day and even took a short walk (I'm in love with grocery delivery - I can save my energy for real exercise).

I realized that I was so distraught yesterday I didn't even write about how I had titled my blog entry. My sensation of just "treading water" doesn't apply only to Craig's illness this week but to so many aspects of our lives whenever one of us is ill or crashed. It's as if the rest of the world carries on without us while we're stuck in another dimension.

I feel as if I accomplished nothing in the past 8 days. I know, in reality, that I did a lot - taking care of Craig, going to the doctor's office, helping him with schoolwork, etc. But none of that was what I had planned to do. I ignored my writing, my friends, and everything that needed to be done with respect to our house, our yard, and our finances. My world shrunk down to a tiny space.

When this happens, it's suffocating. I feel a sense of panic as the days pass and nothing gets done. We move into a kind of survival mode, just managing to do what we need to get through each day. Life is reduced to meeting our basic needs - food and rest (fortunately shelter is taken care of). It's hard to live like that for very long.

So, I'm happy to be back to living a more normal life today. We just do what we have to do to get through these tough periods, right?

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad to hear Craig is doing better! I've trying to keep him and you in my prayers.

    Living with CFIDS does often feel like being in constant survival mode. I hate it. Life is meant to be about living not just surviving, no?

    I'm glad you're getting to do some living now. :)

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