It was obvious to me by Wednesday when I still felt badly crashed, with ever-worsening knee pain. Joint pain has never been part of CFS for me, just Lyme recently. I started back on doxycycline Wednesday night (I had a few left over) and felt much better Thursday. Today I'm starting to feel run-down and achy again - obviously went through the brief (but welcome) improvement and am now entering yet another herx reaction.
I've been upset at times this week (I actually starting crying in the drugstore today!), but I'm in a better state of mind now. It is what it is, and the only way to get past it is straight through, right? I know I can expect to feel bad for awhile while I herx again, but I also know that beyond that I will feel good again.
One thing that helped me today was reading a very inspirational magazine interview with Michael J. Fox. Years ago, I read his memoir, Lucky Man, and was so impressed with his positive, upbeat attitude. Now he's written another one called Always Looking Up: the adventures of an incurable optimist (to be released April 7), and it sounds just as inspirational as the first. Here are some excerpts from his interview in this month's Good Housekeeping magazine that really resonated with me today:
"It is about trying to still the voices in your head - the monkey brain that's saying, "Gotta do this, gotta do that" - and trying to really listen."
"I would say look at the choices you have, as opposed to the choices that have been taken away from you. Because in those choices, there are whole worlds of strength and new ways to look at things."
"It's just constantly being in the now; knowing you don't get to choose whether you move forward. You're going to move forward, so don't fight it."
Well, my little monkey brain was definitely in gear today, so I'm trying to quiet it down and accept what is happening and find the best way to move forward.
We have a busy weekend planned. My mom and her husband are coming to visit, and we're going to a soccer game in Philly (one of the boys' Christmas gifts) Saturday evening. I know I might end up feeling like crap this weekend, but it's OK. I'll be with my family, and I'll try to enjoy their company.
Hope you have a good weekend, too.