Sunday, August 09, 2009

Feeling Blue

I have been really out of sorts this week and seem to be getting worse instead of better. I thought that maybe writing about it would help. I haven't been fully crashed but have been low on energy and motivation all week - hovering in that gray area of CFS where I don't feel good but I don't feel horrible either. But I feel so down and tired all the time. I'm having trouble falling asleep and I wake up still feeling tired (I know, typical for CFS but usually my medication makes my sleep feel normal). I somehow push myself to get a few things done during the morning, waiting until it's nap time so I can get into bed again. I feel groggy and tired in the afternoon, somehow manage to get dinner ready, then often feel a little better in the evening...then the whole thing starts all over again. Over all of this is a feeling of vague dissatisfaction. I just feel down and worn out. I just want to lie in bed with my book and not face all the stuff I should be doing.

I have three main theories (I always have theories)....

First, as my husband put it matter-of-factly this morning, "It's CFIDS." Maybe my CFS is acting up, and I'm just not resting enough to get over it. That's a definite possibility.

Second, I am definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed with too much to do and no energy. This is a common problem for me. At the back of my mind,in a voice I'm trying not to listen to, I think I've committed to too much, especially with my writing. But it's all stuff I WANT to do, so I'm not admitting that it's just too much.

Third, I almost certainly am feeling some anxiety about the coming week. We're heading up to NY to meet my family for a camping weekend. The preparation for this kind of a trip is always enough to potentially cause a crash, so that's part of it. But I'm also worried about the trip itself. I love my family and enjoy being with them, but - as I'm sure you all understand - spending several days with other people is always exhausting, no matter how much you love them. And my family is not exactly the easy-going type. They like to pack as much fun into every day as they possibly can. So, it promises to be a very energetic weekend, with lots of activity, complicated meal prep, noise, late nights, etc. No one can make me laugh like my family and I'm sure I'll have fun, but I know it will be challenging to keep up with them. Also, we'll be close to my hometown of Rochester, where dozens of other-side-of-the-family members live, so I feel pressure to try to fit in visits with as many of them as I can, too...or, at the very least, with my dad and my grandmother.

So, in all likelihood, I'm feeling so run-down from a combination of all three things. Ken says I should just take a day off, and it seems like that's what I'm doing today - not by plan but just because I can't find the energy to do much of anything! I can hardly keep my eyes open, so I'm going to grab a quick lunch and go take my nap. Thanks for listening.

10 comments:

  1. Amen, my sister. Been there, done that, hate that. Hang in there!

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  2. Hi Sue. I hope you're following Ken's advice and taking this day off. I'm so sorry you're feeling blue. It sounds like you're right that it's a combination of the three things you mention, but it occurs to me that the trip may be a blessing in disguise. Getting out of the house -- changing your environment -- may shake you out of the blues. Just be sure to protect yourself from overactivity by finding places to "hide out" from others. Also, there are sure to be a few nice, unpredictable surprises in store for you on the trip. I'll be thinking of you.
    Toni

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  3. Sue, I sent you an e-mail when the comments I'd made wouldn't post because it contained too many letters. I hope you'll get it; my e-mail address is kcir114112@cmaaccess.com.

    My best - Diane

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  4. I think all your theories are right. It seems like you need to give yourself permission to take a step back and rest. Take care of yourself!

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  5. Sue, I hope you've had a relaxing day. I agree with Toni, all three are enough to push most over the top. :)

    You know I don't deal with CFIDS myself, so I'm going to throw in another theory to throw on the pile. I'm 47 and tend to run on many days of energy, ideas, creativity, what-have-you, then I crash. My point - you've been busy this summer and maybe you do need a day (or 2 or 3) of rest before beginning again. As a healthy woman, I have to do that. Just my .02! At any rate, you're in my prayers.
    ~lori

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  6. Post holiday blues?

    I get fatigue anxiety which in itself makes me crash. You may not be fully recovered from the last trip and may be wondering how the heck you are going to cope with all the preparation, travelling and social interaction. Not to mention the family crapola (that always makes me double tense).

    So no surprise really. Is there any anger you are suppressing? I get low like that when I've got the lid on something.

    Take care of yourself. One day at a time and all that.

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  7. Sorry you are having some down in the dumps time. I am sure the reasons for it all will fall into place for you soon.
    Gentle hugs and hope for healing and a return of your joy!

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  8. I'm sorry to hear you have the blues and blahs. I hope you gave yourself permission to take some time for yourself.

    Wishing you relief from the blues and much peace-

    Terri

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  9. One of the blessings of CFS is being able to say, "No, I can't" without guilt. Catch your breath and see what you can let go of and how you can get help. Lie in bed with your book and don't face all the stuff you should be doing! Pamper yourself and heal.

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  10. Sue, I was just diagnosed with CFS and am searching for info. I've been a nurse for 33 years so no doubt have been exposed to many viruses. Lately have had no energy and not sleeping well. Have had terrible headaches but thought it was a side effect of the GERD medication I'm taking. I have a very young and new doctor who tested me for and is now treating me for CFS. he just prescribed Valtrex 550mg twice a day and a "good" multi-vitamin. I'm anxious to read more of your blog and follow others who are experiencing the same.
    Thanks,
    Alicia
    Nurseonhorseback@yahoo.com

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