Learning To Let Go

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful support earlier this week when I was feeling so overwhelmed. Two things have helped me to relax a bit.

First, I really appreciated the suggestion to forget my overwhelming to-do list and make a separate list of only what MUST be done before our vacation. I actually use this strategy every year at this time when things get crazy, but I had forgotten (thanks for the reminder, Toni!).

The other thing is that I realized I have been really hard on myself lately, setting very high goals and expectations. I don't know why this came as such an epiphany this week, but it suddenly hit me. The truth is that I've been a perfectionist and an over-achiever for as long as I can remember. I thought that CFS had taught me to ease up on myself, but it's a lesson that I sometimes forget. Old habits die hard.

In my pre-CFS life, I usually achieved whatever I set out to do through hard work and perseverance. I still fall into the trap sometimes of expecting too much from myself. Who am I kidding? I always expect too much!

It's taken me 7 years, but I've finally accepted that I need to go with the flow - energy flow, that is - and rest when I need to...I just temporarily forgot. I think financial worries were part of the problem, adding pressure to ramp up my writing and increase my meager contribution to the family income. And while it's true that money is even tighter than usual this year, it's also true that pressure + CFS = crash. I know from hard experience that the harder I push myself the less I'll be able to do. It's so counter-intuitive, isn't it?

So, I've made a conscious decision not to worry about getting more writing pitches out until after vacation and to just focus on what really needs to be done in the short term. I'm feeling more relaxed and had a pretty good week. We still have two very busy, hectic weeks ahead of us, but I feel better equipped emotionally to deal with that.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!