Exercise Envy

I took a walk in the park today.  Wait, that didn't have the dramatic effect I'd intended....

Drumroll, please....

I took a walk in the park today!!  Ta da!

Thank you, thank you all.

As you know, I've been trying to gradually increase my walking each week, a little at a time, with the help of my heart rate monitor and the beta blockers that are helping to decrease my heart rate so I won't crash so easily.  But today felt like a milestone. 

I drive by this park all the time - it's located right next to my son's school - and it has this wonderful paved walking trail all along the edge.  Every single time I drive by, I feel a surge of envy, watching all the people on the walking trail - walking, running, skating.  There are people with strollers, kids, women chatting together in small groups, even elderly people, and I want so much to be among them.  It's not the most beautiful park in our area, but I crave its normalcy, its freedom.

I wrote a couple of years ago about how much I miss exercise, and I still feel that way to some extent.  I still can't let go and experience the pure joy of unfettered movement - running, dancing, etc.  My walks are defined in part by their limits - I very carefully watch my heart rate and the time and constantly monitor my body for any signs that I need to stop.  I walked today for 36 minutes, with an average heart rate of 85 and a maximum heart rate of 98.

But I am hugely grateful that my world has expanded by this little bit. Taking that walk in the park today, alongside the other walkers - like a real person! - felt like a huge victory.  I'll take my victories where I can, since they've been few and far between these last nine years!