Imagine some blues music playing in the background...
I'm just feeling frustrated this week - here it is Thursday afternoon, and I feel like I have done NOTHING at all this week! We had our big Mardi Gras party on Saturday (not so big these days but still a major event for me and our only major entertaining event all year), plus house guests all weekend, so I was moderately crashed for the first half of this week. In some ways, moderately crashed is worse than totally crashed. When I'm in really bad shape, I give in and stay in bed or on the couch. When I'm just feeling moderately crappy and achy all over, I can't help still trying to get stuff done and feeling guilty for not accomplishing anything.
When I made my weekly to-do list on Monday (the only thing I actually finished on Monday), I labeled it "Catch-Up Week." With my older son managing a bit better and the Mardi Gras party behind us, I figured I would devote the week to catching up on all the half-finished, rather urgent stuff that needed to be done and has been languishing on my to-do list for months: figure out the new insurance system and finally pay all the medical bills piled on the counter, write up all the changes we've made for my son the past month and e-mail/fax the summary to all his doctors, write some long overdue book reviews, write some long overdue posts for this blog...well, you get the idea.
Instead, I have crossed nothing off my list all week! I've barely managed to get through each day, plus taking my son to a doctor's appointment. Oh, and my older son, who was doing better, texted me on Monday that he was badly crashed with a sore throat (probably a viral trigger), so he came home for a while. I did finally feel better today, but I had to use that precious energy to get groceries. It is so frustrating to me that running to the store for an hour uses up all of my energy for a full day! I'm not complaining because I know some of you would love to be able to go to the grocery store at all...it's just frustrating.
To make matters worse, I started off the new year by reading a book about time management and meeting your goals, so I was all mentally motivated and thought things would be different this year! I know...I have a bad habit of thinking I can do more than I really can. I was like that even before I got sick, but it's even worse with such low energy and stamina.
Well, venting and ranting a bit helps. Thanks for listening.
I have had Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) since March 2002. Both of my sons also got ME/CFS at ages 6 and 10. Our younger son fully recovered after 10 years of mild illness. Our older son still has ME/CFS and also has Lyme disease plus two other tick infections. This blog is about how our family lives with chronic illness, with a focus on improving our conditions and enjoying our lives in spite of these challenges.
Yes it is so frustrating how much effort and (some time suffering) it takes to do just a list of small things. Espcially for those of us who are goal oriented and motivated. I bagged setting goals this year and am keeping a jar instead. Everytime something especially good or nice happens, I write it down and put it in the jar. New years I will read through them and remember all the good things/happy moment. With goals I find I push too hard and end up crashed too often. I don't have near the list of must dos that you have though with a family to care for. hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI love the jar idea! That's great. I keep a Joy Journal and jot down small joys at the end of each day that I experienced - helps me to focus on the positive and be grateful for the good things :)
DeleteAs for goals, I am way behind in my plans to write a post about this, but many of my "goals" are related to CFS - things like "Rest when I feel bad" (surprisingly difficult for me sometimes) and " 10 minutes of gentle yoga a day", etc. But I definitely have way too many writing goals!
Sue
I rarely ever mange to tick off my to do lists, it can get so frustrating when you feel like you are getting nothing done, so I'm with you on this one!
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