Thursday, October 29, 2009

So Sick of Being Sick

And when I knew I had to face another day,
Lord, it made me feel so tired.
- Aretha Franklin, "A Natural Woman"

Those lyrics were running through my head last night as I was struggling to get to sleep. My feelings of joy and freedom on Monday didn't last very long. I had about 48 hours of feeling good (better than last week!). By Tuesday morning, the aches were back, but I had to drive to NJ for my appointment with the Lyme doctor, and I stopped at Target afterward since it's right next door (will I never learn?). By Thursday afternoon after my nap, I felt horrible again and have been back on the couch ever since.

I'm just so sick of feeling this bad and being so completely useless. The rest of my family (including my visiting Mom) are at Craig's last soccer game right now. I hated to miss it, but the aches are just too awful. I don't know what else to even say anymore. I know some of you feel this bad all the time, so I don't want to complain, but I'm just so sick of this.

I just bought a train ticket for NY Sunday. My Mom got tickets to Mamma Mia! on Broadway for my birthday this summer, but there is a really good chance I won't be able to go. And Halloween? I usually have some great plan for creative costumes for all of us, but I've done nothing at all this year. At least tonight's dinner is already in the crockpot. I better put the laptop away.


  1. Sick and tired of being sick and tired... I have the same thoughts all the time. I don't have CFS. I have aquired hydrocephalus but my systems are very closely related to yours and fibromalgia and MS. I say this because I sit and trade notes with friends with these illnesses. I got to wondering about fatigue. It drives me nuts so I found your blog and I am looking into DR. T's advice on vitamines.

    Something that has helped my aches some is CoQ10. I started the Magnesium today and been reading on it it is suppose to help pain also.

    I hurt all over but headaches are a major problem for me.

  2. Hi Sue,
    I know you've put the laptop away, but I wanted to be here for you the next time you pick it up. There you are, missing Craig's soccer game and here I am in the bedroom, listening to the sounds of my son and his family visiting in the living room. I raise my own circumstance just to let you know you aren't alone.

    Even though you're feeling useless (boy, do I know that one) my sense of your family is that you are anything but useless to them and not because you may not be well enough to do something special for Halloween. That's not what matters to them. It's that they know you love them and that they also know if you're not there with them, it's because you're sick and they forgive you for that. I've found that I often can't forgive myself for getting sick, but I'm blessed that my family knows it's not my fault. Your family is the same.

    Just rest and feel their love.


  3. Hi, Monica -

    Welcome! Sorry to hear you're also suffering from a chronic illness. You're among friends here. We don't care whether it's CFS or some other illness...there is a wonderful, caring, supportive community of people here in the blogging world.

    I also take CoQ10 and Mg. Pain isn't usually an issue for me, but I've been hurting all over lately, too - too many viruses around this fall making my immune system crazy.

    I hope the supplements give you some relief.


  4. Toni - You brought tears to my eyes (good tears!) - you said just what I needed to hear tonight.

    My family is back home and I've had dinner, so I'm coping a bit better now. Your words of support meant so much to me, as always.

    Thanks for being there for me - I know you're absolutely right.

    Hope your able to enjoy at least a bit of your family's visit. Knowing I'm not alone really does help.


  5. Caregiver here - not sick like you folks. But even so, being a wife, mom, late-40ish woman, I have days of pity parties and today just happened to be one of them. My gosh, Toni's post brought tears to MY eyes and made ME feel better as well - for a totally different reason.

    Sue, everything she said was absolutely true. I could not have put together such a beautiful comment myself, so I'll just ditto what she said.

    Feel better soon. Know that your online friends are with you.

  6. Sue-

    You post brought tears to my eyes. I'm pulling for you. I'm in a crash so I'll keep this brief.

    Toni-your response brought tears to my eyes too. What a gift your response was.

    Sending healing thoughts your way and wishing you much peace and a gentle rest.

  7. Just saying hi and sorry you are still feeling poorly. I thought of you yesterday as I was engaging in some 'aggressive resting'. Hang in there girl! We need you!

  8. Sue
    I am so sorry you are back to feeling so achy and out of sorts again. What Toni wrote so clearly says it all. Thinking of you and sending gentle cyber hugs...