A Preview of Summer

It's Spring Break week here, and I'm getting a preview of what summer will be like, with my boys out of school and a string of warm, sunny days.

The absence of schedules and timetables has been wonderfully freeing. I've been sleeping as late as I need to in the morning, without worrying about making lunches or scurrying for the bus. I certainly haven't missed my several trips a day to middle school to try to keep up with Jamie's rotating schedule, get him to every class he's able to attend, and squeezing in home tutor time in between. We're all enjoying the break from hectic evenings of homework and strict bedtimes.

So, it's been nice in many ways, and I'm counting the days until June! But, as always, the specter of CFIDS is there to remind me of all that I can't do. I'm remembering how exhausting it is for me to have the boys around all day. Even with Jamie's crazy half-day schedule and Craig's frequent absences this year, I can still count on some quiet time to myself most days. It took me three days and three tries just to write and post yesterday's blog!

I'm frustrated by my limitations. I want to enjoy my boys' company, take them places, do things, just be a regular Mom. Instead, my body constantly reminds me of my illness by striking me down after any period of freedom and fun. I crashed after an ordinary day at home on Tuesday, just from being on my feet too much - cooking, doing dishes, running errands.

I took it easier on Wednesday so I could manage taking my kids to a baseball game in the evening (my husband had to go out of town again). My strategy worked,and I handled the outing to the game just fine. In fact, we had a great time, the kids ate their way through 9 innings, and our home team won. Then we came home and I put them to bed and reality set in. I was suddenly aware of excruciating pain in my legs and feet and an overwhelming exhaustion coupled with a strange kind of nervous energy. I woke up in the middle of the night in terrible pain and had to limp to the bathroom to re-medicate myself. Today, I managed to send the boys to a friend's house for the day, while I lie in the quiet house and try to recover.

On the plus side, the boys seem to be handling the heavy activity this week quite well, giving me some optimism that they'll be able to have a good summer. I guess I'll just have to get better at "staying within my energy envelope," something I seem to find just as hard to do today as four years ago, when I first became sick. Time to go pick up the kids.