I was trying to think of a clever title for today's post then decided to just go with the straight truth. I am in an awful mood this morning, feeling run-down, worn out, sick of being so busy but never getting anything important done, and just wanting to crawl back into bed.
You know that saying, "she got up on the wrong side of the bed today"? Yup, that's me. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, so I woke up still tired this morning, even though I managed to sleep until 8 am (late for me) and stayed in bed until 8:30. I am just feeling cranky and blue. Life lately feels like I'm running on a hamster wheel - busy, busy, busy all the time but never accomplishing the stuff that's really important to me. This week, I spent all my days handling health insurance problems, making phone calls and going to meetings to arrange accommodations for my son in college, running errands, making doctor's appointments, refilling medicines, ordering supplements, etc. Being sick is a full-time job!
One of the personal goals I have is to have fun - seriously, I had to write that down as a goal. And the sad thing is that it's still not happening. Reading for 15 minutes before my nap each afternoon and before bed at night is pretty much my sole source of fun these days. I don't do anything for myself. I feel like my life is never-ending obligations and responsibilities. And did I mention that I am fed up with this restricted diet? I want a piece of pizza! Actually, I just want my morning bowl of oatmeal or a piece of freakin' toast.
See? I told you I was feeling cranky. I usually do pretty well at maintaining a positive and optimistic attitude, but I just feel too worn out to bother today. I feel as if I am on the verge of tears.
I'm a bit worried because sometimes feeling depressed is a sign of an impending crash for me. Anyone else get that, too? I'll have a sudden bout of blues, snapping at my husband, crying over trivial things, obsessing over minor issues, and then the next day - bam! Down for the count. To be honest, a crash actually sounds almost good right now. Aw, you know I don't really mean that - certainly I now first-hand how awful that feels - but it would at least be an excuse to forget about the to-do list and just rest and read.
I know I should just do that anyway - forget the to-do list and take care of myself. But then who is going to refill the medicine boxes today? And I am weeks behind schedule in ordering review books from the fall catalogs. And Jamie needs help on one of his last remaining essays for high school. And we need to pay bills this weekend. See what I mean?
OK, I am done ranting. I am going to try a brief foray outside where it is actually a pretty nice morning for a change (it's been too hot and humid to spend time outside all summer). And, yes, I will try to relax some today and take care of myself for a change. Thanks for listening, as always!!
I have had Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) since March 2002. Both of my sons also got ME/CFS at ages 6 and 10. Our younger son fully recovered after 10 years of mild illness. Our older son still has ME/CFS and also has Lyme disease plus two other tick infections. This blog is about how our family lives with chronic illness, with a focus on improving our conditions and enjoying our lives in spite of these challenges.
9 comments:
oh sue i hear you!!! I had a phone consult with my doctor last night and she asked how i was feeling - and i said i'm just so tired of being such a good patient and then just when i had my best days in months i get a cold and then the reactive airway disease....i just had had it with being sick.
I saw that you are trying that new diet so take some relief that since so much of your immunity and seratonin etc..are in the gut - some of this mood may be in fact due to the diet and your body adjusting...
also - wondering if you have had the MTHFR gene mutation test - it looks at folic acid methylation (aka breakdown) there is a bunco of research on one of the mutations dealing with homocysteine levels and heart disease and the other with a variety of women's health issues, cancers and mood disturbances - I just had it done and do have that single mutation - good news is you just take extra folic acid - and possibly in a different form - but i did find some links with it and chronic illness so you may want to get it tested - you can google A1298C gene mutation and get more info.
sorry - back to the diet thing...have you ever been tested for candida / and or candida antibodies - since they love wheat and you could be dealing with a die off and irritation b/c you removed their favorite food source -
alright - that's enough rambling - hope your day improves!
Heather -
Wow, some good points here. I hadn't even thought that the dietary changes could be connected to the mood problems today.
And we are focusing on the methylation pathways for Jamie (and going to run the test for him), but I ahsn't thought about it for myself. To be honest, I have been 100% focused on him this past year. My own illness is barely a secondary thought these days; I just want to get him well enough to go to school and live his life again. I'm surprised when someone asks how I am...me? Huh. Not sure how I am.
Lots to think about - thanks!!
And sorry you have been having a rough month :)
This may be the withdrawal from gluten,from its pioides.
"This led to the development of the Opioid Excess Theory, expounded by Paul Shattock and others,[10] which speculates that peptides with opioid activity cross into the bloodstream from the lumen of the intestine, and then into the brain. These peptides were speculated to arise from incomplete digestion of certain foods, in particular gluten from wheat and certain other cereals and from casein from milk and dairy produce. Further work confirmed opioid peptides such as casomorphines[11] (from casein) and gluten exorphines and gliadorphin (from gluten) as possible suspects, due to their chemical similarity to opiates." Wikipedia
Hi Sue.
First thing that came to mind was also the dietary changes. Have been GF for over 12 years and a few years ago used to have what I called 'GF holidays' (few days of family reunions with full on gluten Italian style, oh dear...) Going back to my normal diet meant plenty of crankiness, mini meltdowns and it felt like withdrawal.
All I can say is that it gets better. Take care.
ps: been thinking you may enjoy some of these from Candice http://pinterest.com/candicexo/gluten-free-clean-eating/ - she has other paleo boards etc
I am thinking some of the diet changes are causing some of this too Sue....pretty normal when you are probably detoxing and your body is going through all the changes from going gluten free, etc. I also get weepy when a set back is coming so am careful with that.
We have a place here called Godfathers Pizza....they have a gluten free pizza you can order...just a thought...maybe some of your pizza places would too???
I remember when Joel went gluten free...he was stomping around and irritable for awhile. I dont' remember since it has been so long but expect it was the same!
Can I also say as an avid reader of your blog and as a friend in cyber world....you need to put yourself on that to do list at least twice, three times a day for fun and a good laugh. I learned very quickly that when I could NOT do the things I used to it still got done eventually by others in the family. I get it though....big time. Today Joel rented me a movie and got me some coconut blisslike ice cream~~ because I could not go to my family gathering today. I kept thinking I should do other things rather than recline and watch tv and eat~ not good at pampering myself I guess....hang in there Sue. knowing you, by now you are already back to your normal self!! happy and joyful~~~
Renee, it is the same for me - I am just terrible at taking time out for myself or pampering myself. I am normally just go-go-go until I hit the wall and drop!
What a loving husband you have to get you treats so you could relax a bit!!
And you were right - you now me so well! - by the time I read your comment, I was feeling much better. I went outside and did some weeding (I know, I know - one step at a time!!) - I think the sunshine and fresh air and a bit of healthy exertion (I wore my HRM and only stayed out 30 min) helped. But I know I need to do better at making some time for myself.
Hope you enjoyed your pampering session - that coconut milk ice cream is fabulous!!
Sue
The second and third week will be the worst with the new diet. After that you should feel better. It is kind of like a diet herx reaction.
Hi! Being a mom of three grown up children, one of whom is a teacher, I immediately thought about the fact that this is an extremely stressful time of the year for moms with kids getting ready to go back to school, kids who are practically bored with summer and yet in many ways dread going back. Funny, because my first thought is almost always diet!
I've had CFIDS, fibro, etc, for 38 years and it's not a picnic. I understand completely the desire to cry. It's not even the "normal" crying, but the exhaustive crying almost like a baby who can't fall asleep because it's too tired. It's so involuntary that tears leak and you don't even realize it till you feel the water on your face. The diet is not helping matters either. I've been going through perhaps the worst spell I've ever had, so I hear you! I wish you much luck and hope you get over this hurtle soon.
Irene xx
Sorry I missed this post at the time Sue but everyone seems to have given good advice and support. Do plan a good rest when this last busy week before college is over. And do try to look after yourself this week.
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