Weekly Inspiration: What Are You Looking Forward To?

(NOTE: If you'd rather watch than read, check out my recent video What Are You Looking Forward To?, which covers the same topic.)

I haven't been on the blog in a couple of weeks because I got COVID. I'll write a more detailed post about my experiences when I am up to it, but the short story is that my son and I both caught it from visiting my 96-year-old father-in-law in a nursing home. We are both vaccinated and were wearing masks, but I know from lab tests that I hardly made any antibodies, due to the immune dysfunction of ME/CFS. Also, this omicron variant is insanely contagious, so be careful!

Bottom line is that I have been very, very sick for the past two weeks. I've had the characteristic cough and both chest and sinus congestion, but the biggest symptom is having absolutely no energy. After 20 years with ME/CFS, you'd think I'd be used to that, but this fatigue is on a whole new level! I've spent many days just sleeping, and when I'm awake, I usually can't manage more than watching a sitcom or reading for about 15 minutes. 

So, it's been a very long, boring, lonely two weeks! The exhaustion and repetition was really getting to me by Friday. That's when I remembered a key tenet of living with chronic illness that I write about in my book, Finding a New Normal: Living Your Best Life with Chronic Illness: What are you looking forward to? 

I explain below where it comes from and what it means, but this weekend, I was really feeling like I had nothing to look forward to, with endless sameness stretching out before me. I thought about it and announced to my husband, "Saturday night, we're ordering pizza and wings and watching a movie!" This may not sound like much, but we both were excited about our plans for a wild Saturday night. Last night, we ate like total pigs and completely enjoyed every bite of our treats (and our movie, too).

THIS is what I was looking forward to!

So, in case you are also in need of some inspiration this week, here's the full chapter excerpted from my book. What are YOU looking forward to??

 

What Are You Looking Forward To?

During my first five years with ME/CFS, I saw a wonderful psychologist who specialized in chronic illness. Her favorite question—often asked at each vis- it—was, “What are you looking forward to?” She explained to me that it had two purposes.

First, she thought this question was the perfect test to differentiate clinical de- pression from other kinds of chronic illness. Since her own grown son had ME/ CFS, it infuriated her that medical professionals—including many of her own colleagues—were constantly questioning whether ME/CFS was really depres- sion (this was in the early 2000s). She said if she asked the question to someone who was clinically depressed, he or she usually could not come up with any- thing they were looking forward to and, in fact, didn’t want to do anything. In contrast, she said that when she asked this question of someone living with a different chronic illness, he or she would usually respond with a long list of things they wanted to do, if only they could.

The second purpose of her question was to get her chronically ill patients look- ing forward and thinking about the good things in their lives. When you get to the point where you are “sick of feeling sick” (as we all do), this question prompts you to take a step back from the intricacies of your daily symptoms and to think of your life in broader terms. What’s going on in your life? What is coming up with your friends and family? What kind of good things are you looking forward to?

Over the years, long after I stopped seeing that wonderful psychologist (who is now, alas, retired), I have continued to use her favorite question at times when I am feeling down: what am I looking forward to?

My first step is usually to flip through my Joy Journal, which I have kept off and on over the years since I got sick and where I jot down things that brought me joy that day. Often, they are small things, like sunshine, a hug from my kids, a piece of dark chocolate, or a fabulous book. This helps to remind me of all the 

small pleasures that occur in my everyday life—even on the days that seem dark and routine.

Next, I take the question to heart and really think about what’s coming up in my life. Maybe I am looking forward to some big thing, like a holiday or special occasion, although those kinds of events usually also carry some stress over how I will manage. Often, the things I am really looking forward to are smaller: the arrival of spring, a new season of a favorite TV show that my husband and I en- joy, a rare lunch out with my closest friends, or the new release of a book by one of my favorite authors.

Just like my psychologist told me all those years ago, this question reminds me of all the things that are good in my life, all the good things coming up, all the things I am looking forward to—big and small. It’s a way to re-center myself and pull back from the web of misery that we all fall into once in a while.

Try it yourself—right now, or once a week, or whenever you feel discouraged or dissatisfied. If you truly can’t think of anything you are looking forward to, then take my psychologist’s words to heart and consider seeing a profession- al. Perhaps you are suffering not only from a physical chronic illness but also from clinical depression (a chronic illness in itself ). If you are too ill to leave the house, consider contacting an online counselor specializing in chronic illness, who can work with you via phone or video chat.

For most people with chronic illness, this simple exercise will help you to re- member the little things that make you happy, to be grateful for what you have, and to remind you of the things you are looking forward to. If you are still feeling down, take concrete steps to remedy that. Act on some of those small joys—make yourself a cup of your favorite tea, watch a show or movie that is uplifting or funny, or lie in a chair out on your deck or in your yard (or even just open your window), look up at the sky, and listen to the birds. Before you know it, your spirits will be lifted.

What are you looking forward to?