March 2 always brings mixed emotions for me. It was the day, in 2002, when my life changed dramatically, though of course I didn't realize it at the time. Here's what I wrote in my journal that day:
The plan was to stay home today, get some stuff done, and have a vacation day in Baltimore tomorrow. Today went OK, but now I'm feeling rotten with a bad sore throat...?The next's day's visit to Baltimore was horrible for me, as I pushed myself through the Aquarium, science museum, shopping, and walking. Seven years later, in March 2009, we went back to Baltimore and I was able to enjoy the trip (with meds, naps, and pacing).
For many years, March 2 was a depressing anniversary for me. Here's what I wrote in my journal on March 2, 2003:
I wasn't even diagnosed yet at that point and was living an exhausting, painful life in limbo.A whole year of my life. Maybe it’s appropriate that I’m feeling so horrible – a reminder that it’s not over. I just want to give in to whatever this is. I’m so tired of trying to keep going when I don’t feel well. I feel like just giving up and being sick, staying in bed. It takes too much energy to live my life and I have no energy left.
On my 5th illiversary, I blogged about a mixture of depression and hope. Even last year, at 8 years, I was feeling somewhat low.
So, I am extremely pleased that today, I am feeling very optimistic, at this 9-year anniversary. Personally, 2011 has been very good so far. I started a new treatment in January, beta blockers, that has helped me to be more active. I just came back from a 30-minute walk with my friend! Yesterday, I started another new treatment, Immunovir, that I hope will help with my immune system dysfunction. I'm doing better than I have in years. Yes, I still have CFS and still live a fairly restricted life, but even the smallest improvements make a huge difference in quality of life with ME/CFS. And in the wider world, research is ongoing into XMRV, anti-viral therapy, and lots of other aspects of CFS. Even the news media has started to talk about ME/CFS in a serious way. Things are good, and the future is looking brighter.
Now, if only I could magically cure my kids, than all would be right with the world.
So, Happy Illiversary to Me!