So, today's quote...a few weeks ago, I was reading Breathless by Dean Koontz, a magical, mystical, thought-provoking novel nothing like the Koontz horror novels I used to read years ago (read my review here). I actually marked several pages with quotes I wanted to write down and remember, but one in particular really spoke to me. It's from a character who suffered years of abuse as a child and teen who finally found the strength to attack her abuser and escape. Interestingly, I thought it also applied perfectly to some of my experiences in dealing with chronic illness:
Despair was an emotion too intense to sustain for long. Somehow, she had allowed her despair to mutate into despondency instead of into desperation. Desperation was energized despair; it would have much sooner led to action, heedless of consequences. Despondency was the dismal incapacity to hope, and hopelessness fostered apathy.
- Cammy in Breathless by Dean Koontz
This really struck me because I had been feeling some despair about the time I read that passage. The day before, I had finally shed my despondency over my son's condition and had taken action on several fronts: I e-mailed two doctors who have written extensively about their theories that I thought might apply to some of my son's recent struggles, I had pored over records of my son's recent symptoms, and I had requested a medication change for him from his doctor. In short, my despondency had shifted to desperation - energized despair - and I felt so much better for having taken action.
Despair is common in our lives; even after a decade of living with chronic illness, it lurks in the shadows waiting to descend upon me during difficult times. And I believe strongly in the power of hope and in taking action. These lines just crystallized my own thoughts and beliefs.
How about you? What have been your experiences with despair, despondency, and desperation?
5 comments:
I enjoyed your post, Sue, as there are times we just do go to that place of despair and despondency, and your honestly is helpful. You are such a hope filled person and I find that inspiring. It has been a tough time Sue for you all and watching Jamie struggle so hard with Lyme now has to be so frustrating and bring up feelings of helplessness at times. But you took action. That is what happens with me...I struggle, I work to stay hopeful, but at times ~ less now than ever~ I become more sad and struggle with despair or lack of hope..for a short time...but not for long. I regroup, recoup, and then dust off my knees and get up and try again. Keeping you in thought and prayer.
To hope is to know that you are alive - even when everything is crashing. Check out Laura Story's song Blessings..."what if your blessings come through raindrops...what if trials of this life are mercies in disguise...Peace.
It comes and goes in cycles doesn't it. I'm hope you reap some positive changes from your call to action. :)
I think the despondent moments can be valuable as 'backburner' times when there is just too much info to take in or too much going on to cope and you need to shut down a little. Then the desperation kicks in and we can prioritise clearly thanks to the back burner time.. that's the story I am sticking to at the moment anyway.
Thinking of you guys.
xo
That was enlightening Sue. I'd never thought of it like that.... I've certainly been struggling with despondency of late. But seeking help so that must be the desperation kicking in:)
Hope and pray that there is something found to help Jamie and all the rest of the folks out there with Lyme very soon!
Hope is indeed the mainstay of life! If we didn't believe there was more, nothing would matter. We are a strong force of "hopers", aren't we??
God Bless You,
Elaine
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