Feeling Blue

I have been really out of sorts this week and seem to be getting worse instead of better. I thought that maybe writing about it would help. I haven't been fully crashed but have been low on energy and motivation all week - hovering in that gray area of CFS where I don't feel good but I don't feel horrible either. But I feel so down and tired all the time. I'm having trouble falling asleep and I wake up still feeling tired (I know, typical for CFS but usually my medication makes my sleep feel normal). I somehow push myself to get a few things done during the morning, waiting until it's nap time so I can get into bed again. I feel groggy and tired in the afternoon, somehow manage to get dinner ready, then often feel a little better in the evening...then the whole thing starts all over again. Over all of this is a feeling of vague dissatisfaction. I just feel down and worn out. I just want to lie in bed with my book and not face all the stuff I should be doing.

I have three main theories (I always have theories)....

First, as my husband put it matter-of-factly this morning, "It's CFIDS." Maybe my CFS is acting up, and I'm just not resting enough to get over it. That's a definite possibility.

Second, I am definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed with too much to do and no energy. This is a common problem for me. At the back of my mind,in a voice I'm trying not to listen to, I think I've committed to too much, especially with my writing. But it's all stuff I WANT to do, so I'm not admitting that it's just too much.

Third, I almost certainly am feeling some anxiety about the coming week. We're heading up to NY to meet my family for a camping weekend. The preparation for this kind of a trip is always enough to potentially cause a crash, so that's part of it. But I'm also worried about the trip itself. I love my family and enjoy being with them, but - as I'm sure you all understand - spending several days with other people is always exhausting, no matter how much you love them. And my family is not exactly the easy-going type. They like to pack as much fun into every day as they possibly can. So, it promises to be a very energetic weekend, with lots of activity, complicated meal prep, noise, late nights, etc. No one can make me laugh like my family and I'm sure I'll have fun, but I know it will be challenging to keep up with them. Also, we'll be close to my hometown of Rochester, where dozens of other-side-of-the-family members live, so I feel pressure to try to fit in visits with as many of them as I can, too...or, at the very least, with my dad and my grandmother.

So, in all likelihood, I'm feeling so run-down from a combination of all three things. Ken says I should just take a day off, and it seems like that's what I'm doing today - not by plan but just because I can't find the energy to do much of anything! I can hardly keep my eyes open, so I'm going to grab a quick lunch and go take my nap. Thanks for listening.