Weekly Inspiration: Honesty & Hope, Life & Death

I often feature either quotes from a book I've read or a TED Talk on Weekly Inspiration, as the source of my inspiration and a springboard for discussion. Well, today is special because this post features BOTH a book and a TED Talk - oooh!

Last fall, I read the best-selling memoir When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, a book that got a lot of (well-deserved) attention in 2016. The author, a neurosurgeon, wrote it while he was dying of lung cancer. It is a very open, honest look at his experiences, as well as the bigger subjects of struggles and joy, life and death. You can read my full review of the book at my book blog.

Although Paul had cancer, much of his experience with the sudden shift from wellness to illness struck a chord with me, like in this quote:

"Severe illness wasn't life-altering, it was life-shattering. It felt less like an epiphany - a piercing burst of light, illuminating What Really Matters - and more like someone had just firebombed the path forward. Now I would have to work around it."
          - When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Yup, that's about it. I think "life-shattering" is a good explanation for how you feel after your diagnosis.

This observation equally moved me and felt perfectly applicable to life with chronic illness:

"Part of the cruelty of cancer, though, is not only that it limits your time; it also limits your energy, vastly reducing the amount you can squeeze into a day.
...If time dilates when one moves at high speeds, does it contract when one barely moves at all?"
           - When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

I'm sure that those of you who are homebound or bedridden can relate to that one. He also writes eloquently about his feelings when attending a medical school reunion at Stanford: "Yet being there merely heightened the surreal contrast of what my life was now" (that's just a short excerpt from a longer, very moving passage). I felt exactly the same way when I attended my 20th high school reunion, shortly after my diagnosis, tongue-tied as to what to say to my former classmates, how to explain the sudden, sharp turn my life had made, and how to reconcile my new limitations against what my peers were doing.

The whole book was excellent - very moving and powerful - and his wife wrote the last chapter, finishing it after his death.

So, I was immediately interested when I saw that Paul's wife, Lucy Kalanithi, had given a TED Talk: What Makes Life Worth Living in the Face of Death. You can watch the brief 16-minute video of her talk here:

I was equally moved by Lucy's talk as I was by Paul's book. As with the book, this isn't a depressing look at death but an insightful consideration of life, while recognizing that death is a natural part of life. Some of the topics Lucy covers in her talk that are very applicable to those of us with chronic illness (or anyone, really), include:

• Resilience, an absolutely critical characteristic for those of us living with these rollercoaster illnesses.
• Redefining your definition of success.
• Honesty - being willing to say the truth out loud (I SO wish my extended family understood this).
• Joy as a part of life, even in the shadow of death.
• The importance of hope. I saw this first-hand with my Dad. Although he was diagnosed with Stage IV melanoma, his oncologist gave him hope for what might be possible. I also tried to give him hope, with a book that had helped me tremendously when I first got sick, The Anatomy of Hope by Jerome Groopman. As a result, though my dad was naturally a realist and not one to sugarcoat things, he maintained that sense of hope throughout his year of treatments. I sincerely believe he had a full year with us in part due to his sense of hope. I didn't see him lose that until the very last weeks of his life. It was an incredible gift that his doctor gave to him, as Lucy talks about here. Hope is also very, very important to those of us with chronic illness.

Although both the book and the TED Talk are about death, they are both ultimately uplifting and inspiring in their view of the meaning of life, how suffering is an integral part of life, and how to face your challenges without giving up hope and joy.

I hope you find these as inspiring as I did.

Have you read Paul's book yet? Did you relate to any of the quotes I shared here or anything from Lucy's talk?