Beautiful first day of spring, but I didn’t get to enjoy it much. I had a very rough day and felt pretty depressed. I burst into tears 3 times today – once over a TV show! I feel very fragile.I’ve been sick for 3 weeks now, and I’m getting a little scared. I’m so sick of feeling tired and achy, so sick of the couch, so sick of not getting anything done! I want my life back! I want my normal energy back! I want to exercise and play with the kids and go to the grocery store and feel productive!
I am feeling pretty good today (after 10 days on antifungals, finally getting the yeast overgrowth under control again) and in a good frame of mind. At this point, ME/CFS is an integral part of my life. It's hard to even remember life before piles of medication and supplements, afternoon naps, and carefully monitoring my activity level.
I feel like I am in a good place now. Emotionally, I am happy and rarely get depressed any more (though these past few weeks have been a challenge!) Physically, I am doing much better now than I was 5 or 10 years ago and have found quite a few treatments that each help a little bit - those little bits add up to feeling better, being able to be more active, and having an improved quality of life. (Here's a blog post in my most recent improvements).
I still hope for more effective treatments or even a cure, and the research news lately makes me optimistic that there is real hope for all of us (more on that tomorrow!)
So, Happy Illiversary to me! It's not really a reason to celebrate, but it does provide a chance to reflect on how far I've come.